It’s finally here! After months and months of saying “oh, it’s not until the end of June” I can finally say my very first triathlon is THIS weekend! Honestly it does not feel real one tiny bit. I don’t know if it will until the morning of the race when I am putting on my wetsuit and getting ready for the hardest physical (and very tough mental) challenge of my life. Up until now it’s just been a dream and now its about to become a reality.

Until just about this week I’ve been probably 80% excited and 20% nervous. Right now though I’m the opposite…80+% nervous and 20% excited. I’m scared. What if I can’t do it? What if it’s not fun? What if I panic in the water? What if I fall off my bike? What if I get sick on the run? I know it’s going to be hard and I know it’s going to hurt….that’s part of the fun(?)…well definitely most of the accomplishment is digging deep through the hurt and difficulty and succeeding. You have to 100% believe in yourself, trust your training, and know that you can do it. I don’t know if I have that. I’m doubting myself a little bit. I think that part of the problem is that when I look in the mirror I don’t see a “triathlete”, I see a chubby girl who needs to lose 20lbs. I just wish that I looked the part more. I know it’s so dumb and there are going to be people at the race on Sunday of all ages, shapes, and sizes but I just feel like people are going to look at me and judge me and think “what is she doing here?”

I know that I’ve worked so hard but I feel like I should have done more. I keep thinking about the days when I just jogged easy instead of running hard, dilly dallied at traffic lights, walked, spent too much time on the wall in between sets in the pool, cut my strength workouts a little short, avoided the bike routes with the hard hills, drank an extra glass (or two) or wine.

I have just been so stressed out recently which sure isn’t helping anything. I’ve been busier at work than I ever have been in my life, working from 7am-8pm and still having more to do. On top of that, last week the girl I was supposed to move in with on July 1 tells me she’s moving to Charlotte for a job and all of a sudden I don’t have a roommate. *Luckily* things worked out, as they always do, and another friend of mine will be moving in—and the best part is…..she’s a triathlete too! She did her first one last summer and has a couple more this season! I am so excited to have someone who will finally understand me!

Hmm, so this didn’t turn out to be the “I AM SO EXCITED FOR MY RACE” post that I was expecting to post. I think I’m just in a “funk”. I was actually warned that this might happen during taper week—feeling sluggish and emotional and worried. I think a lot of it is that I have become so used to training ~10 hours a week and depend on those endorphins and the high I get from working hard and sweating…it does wonders for my self esteem. So to go from that to 5 hours last week and only 3 this week leading up to the race is tough. That combined with everyone else going on is just not a good combination.

I know that I’ll start getting excited soon, I’m not too worried. I’m just going to let my body do what it needs to do and get this “funk” out of its system so that I’m ready for race day!